


gentle, fragile love

by orvaignwrites



Series: we, too, were young once [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Heaven, M/M, Pre-Series, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-08 02:26:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11072133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orvaignwrites/pseuds/orvaignwrites
Summary: read ontumblr!





	gentle, fragile love

****Castiel and Balthazar had always been close.

Ever since we were fledglings, newly created, our forms burning with light and new, irrepressible energy – even when we were so young we knew nothing, Castiel and Balthazar were close.

They were, of course, polar opposites even as fledglings, even before our personalities had properly developed. Balthazar was always mouthy and sarcastic, with a penchant for getting into trouble and annoying our superiors, while Castiel was always on the quiet, studious side – so it was a surprise to everyone that they were so close.

They went everywhere together, as much as possible. They were always beside each other in lessons, always walking together to training, always trailing after each other. They even _rested_ together, their graces twined together for comfort as they sunk into our strange not-sleep during our designated rest periods. This never struck me as strange, because many angels did this; I myself often twined with Anna, because she was the eldest and the wisest and offered comfort, especially when I was very young, barely more than a spark.

The only things they ever did separately were play and study, and by that, I mean Balthazar would often play while Castiel locked himself in the libraries of Heaven. Balthazar was always the one to coax him out when the rest of us failed, always the one to play with him once he’d managed it – it was a beautiful sight, watching them tumble through the air. They seemed to flow around each other in a way that was almost painful to watch; the fluidity of their movements, the easy, natural way they could move together like art in motion; they knew each other so well, they knew exactly what move the other would pull and instantly match it. It was so, so beautiful, and no other two angels in all of Creation ever managed to match it, back when we had time for play.

As angels, this sort of thing, this sort of connection never struck us as unusual. We all had strong bonds with one another – well, except for Castiel, who always only had the most deep-running, familial bonds with all of us, not really social. He never took part in mutual wing-grooming, never simply hung around with anyone… anyone except Balthazar, that is. They were, as I’ve said, always together.

I often used to observe them. In our very, very young days, it wasn’t clear why they formed such a strong attachment to one another almost immediately – but as we grew, and I watched them, I realised that they each provided something the other couldn’t get on their own. Castiel grounded crazy, trouble-making Balthazar in a way none of us could, with his calm manner and curiosity and fascination with everything around him. He made Balthazar stop and take notice of his surroundings, not just hurtle through them at a million miles an hour on his way to the next thing.

As we grew up – myself slightly behind, of course, there was an age gap – they would often go missing for long, long stretches of time, in the farthest corner of Heaven that they’d made their own little place. No one ever knew what went on there, as much as we younger ones all clamoured for it – we wanted to know the secret things our older brothers got up to in their secret place, in the manner of younger siblings everywhere. I remember the day when their answering smiles were not only secretive (and, in Balthazar’s case, teasing) but _bashful,_ the look shared between them happy but shy. I remember not understanding that and being the only one of us younger ones to notice, the others still grilling them for information on where they _possibly_ could have gone where the archangels couldn’t find them.

This used to happen more and more often, the looks they shared still holding that same happiness. Gradually, over time, the shyness was lost and it was only happiness that they showed when they looked at each other, and that always made me curious. I asked Anna about it, once, but her expression became dark and she refused to voice any opinion on the subject, so I didn’t push it. They started resting a little out of our nuclear group, too – twined around each other further to the edges.

When we got old enough to be entered into Heaven’s army, the looks they shared were still happy, but there was worry in there too. When Balthazar came back from his first assignment as one of Heaven’s soldiers, they disappeared and no one saw them until Michael came off his metaphorical cloud to thunder furiously about the loss of angels in the ranks – they hurried back, looking sheepish but reassured, and the looks they shared after that were happy again. Until Castiel’s first mission, after which the same thing happened again only for far, far longer. Not even Michael’s wrath could bring them back.

I was one of the angels sent out looking for them and I had, over the years, built up a fairly good idea of where they were hiding based on their reactions when I had said certain places. I found them at the very edge of Heaven, in a cave-like structure that looked almost accidental, but of course, couldn’t be. Not in Heaven.

I had crept around to the mouth of the cave and peered inside, careful not to let them see me, and what I saw confused me immensely at the time.

They were twined, as they did in rest, but they weren’t resting – they were simply _being,_ with strong feelings of reassurance and worry and happiness and _love_ passing between the joins, feelings so strong that I could feel them from where I stood. But the love was different, not the familial, unbreakable bond I was used to – it was gentler, more fragile, yet somehow made stronger by that fact. It was unfamiliar and strange and they seemed caught up in their moment, so I left them to it, gave it a good amount of time before I alerted my superiors as to their whereabouts.

I never said anything about what I’d seen, not to Castiel, not to Balthazar. I watched as their bond got stronger and stronger, fiercer and fiercer. I watched Balthazar leave and then comforted Castiel’s quiet pining and then I watched everything that happened after that, too painful to remember too fully. Throughout it all, I genuinely believed that maybe, _maybe_ if they’d stayed together, _maybe_ they could’ve been OK. That gentle, fragile love they held for each other never broke, though, and I will believe that for as long as I live.

It’s still a source of unending sadness for me that they never realised that simple fact for themselves.

**Author's Note:**

> read on [tumblr](http://orvaign-writes.tumblr.com/post/27722928981/youre-welcome-thank-you-very-much-for-the)!


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